Right here, right now

i’m sitting in front of the girls’ mess using wifi.

yes, wifi at school.

the school officials were giving us some bullshit story about why we can’t use wifi. that the internet bill hadn’t been paid and that the internet wouldn’t be working until maybe four months later. a lot of runaround. but basically the feeling is this: they have internet. and they don’t want us to use it. and are limiting internet use strictly for administration to check their facebook pages. i’d feel a little bit better about it if they at least played bejeweled or checked their gmail accounts or something. but goddamn. all facebook, all the time.

so, as atmosphere says… when life gives you lemons you spray paint that shit gold. and so, things for me, had become intolerable here. and then funny stuff was going on with the money. signatures appearing on behalf of people who have already left the country, taking half of some student’s scholarships, etc.

so i reported the asshole in the office to jakarta. and as professionalism goes in this country, they call his ass up. and then he gets me in a meeting with two men, his go-between and the guy who handles fondles our money. without informing beforehand as to what the meeting was going to be about. so then they confront me about the money and i tell them, well there has been a problem with corruption at this school (the rektor – head of school – had been put in jail for korupsi a month ago) so obviously when weird shit happens with money, obviously i will think the worst. and at the end of this meeting, they ask me to sign on behalf of the girl who already left the country on a document tracking the scholarships. and i told them, “i can’t do that!”

my roommate tells her boyfriend about this meeting, and her boyfriend and his friends want to get the story from me. they tell me they reported the last rektor for korupsi, and this would be an angle to get the asshole in the office kicked out. and they ask if i want to meet with the new rektor, while he is still new, still clean. i say sure. the next day, i go to the rektor’s house with trang and the other roommate’s boyfriend and some of his friends.

and the guy is pretty friendly, and shows us his photo albums of the times he’s traveled abroad to play music. and… i feel that he gets it. what it’s like to be abroad.

there are more meetings, and mister asshole keeps on trying to intimidate me but i think he’s a spineless creep. and know that he is largely unliked on this campus. and most likely, has a witch doctor hit on his ass. so he (and the iron nails in his liver or whatever the fuck happens when a witch doctor has put his bad juju on folks) is really the least of my concerns. and in the admin office now, they don’t call me by name, but refer to me as “the american.” this is what happens when you steal money from the friends of a korean woman raised in new mexico. awas. (beware.)

and the new rektor is all about quick results. and things so far have been looking great. we have a new carpet, a tv, wifi, bahasa indonesia classes… it’s such a good life that i can’t even believe it.

we bought a stove for our mess, which is reminiscent of camping, if only forest fires were permitted. the thing is scary, and i am regularly relieved that i haven’t burned my eyebrows off every time i have to light the damn thing. but it’s good to be cooking at home.

i also bought speakers, so it’s also really encouraging to listen to music i enjoy. as much as i love hearing autumn leaves and the saxaphone solo from careless whisper being repeatedly blared out of tune at 7 in the morning, i have discovered that i really need this soma. and it goes a long way, too. so there is balance to this belief that i have that most people listen to way too much music and are much too preoccupied and compulsively music-ing and not appreciating what they’re hearing.

i’m doing circuits in mess. and doing a 100 pushup program, inspired by donna. you can google it. i can only do good form pushups on the wall, but anything helps.

it’s my sissy, indonesian take of sarah connor in terminator 2. like, in the first terminator she’s cowering under a desk whimpering, eyes wild with terror, or in a scrap metal factory bugging out because this hand is clawing after her. but in terminator two, this tough-ass puta is doing pullups on her metal bed in an insane asylum. i have never been able to nor probably never will be able to do pullups, but it’s kind of like that. but more jackie-style, so i’m having a manic dance party for one listening to billy joel. absolutely determined to have a great time, damnit.

and general insanity abounds, but i will overcome this shit. even the petty and stupid. because i will use cheerfulness alchemy and spray paint this shit gold.

and i put myself in this position to make change happen and now i’ve got to step up and follow through. and it’s like a lot of the time i have to put myself in that headspace i would get in when i was working in residential care. i came here to relax. not like, be on top of things and rally a group of people and be resented en masse. which is fun. real fun.

OH

i went shoooooooooooopping for clothes, huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh. my guitarist took me to this store he likes when we had to go buy a pickup for the violin, and boy oh boy. i was like a pig in mud.

i have a hoodie (which i love) and shirts (which i love). they are guy clothes, but they are awesome… and! in america i would still be considered a chick wearing them. i also got a chick shirt for performances. omg. i want to go shopping again, what an addiction. but the best thing about the stuff that i got is that it’s all indonesian brands, designed and made in indonesia. i love original designs so this is really fucking rad. like, i like stuff by canadian designers, so this was totally right up my alley and just fun. so much fun.

and i have decided: i am totally getting my septum pierced when i come back. in high school, put a ring on my septum and asked my friends what they thought of my potential new piercing, and one of them said “you look like a little bull!” and i was horrified. but still kind of always wanted to get one. so. i am gunna just do what i want. enough of worrying about what others think, seriously. seriously.

haters only know how to hate.

but i can have a maximally fun time with minimal materials.

i love you all and think of you on a regular basis. i can’t believe how busy i am with drama here. i miss my friends. and am looking forward to scotch. and good beer. and vegetables. and watching the big lebowski and pee wee’s big adventure. and going to shows. and freedom in general. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

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